Having to start your life over again after a breakup can be difficult. One of the most challenging things about starting over can be having to rebuild your confidence.
You might find that your confidence takes a little bit of a knock and self doubt can begin to creep in. This is quite normal. With the right mindset and focus you can begin to regain your self assurance and thrive.
This guide will help you understand the importance of confidence, why it’s often shaken during major life changes, and how you can rebuild it as you start fresh.
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Why Confidence Takes A Hit During Life Changes
When we have major life changes happen it can shake our foundation. This is especially true if the circumstances were unexpected or emotionally taxing for you. This can occur no matter if it’s a relationship that ends, a change in career or a personal setback in life. It would be quite natural to feel unsure of yourself.
Confidence stems from routine and the things that are familiar to you. You do them so often that you grow in confidence with it. When you no longer have that familiarity it can make you feel at a bit of a loss. Understandably starting fresh after a break up will have the same effect on you. You have to remember that it’s not that your confidence has vanished, it’s just overshadowed by uncertainty.
Once you recognise this for what it is you can begin to rebuild your confidence and overcome self-doubt.
8 Things You Can Do To Rebuild Your Confidence
1. Acknowledge Your Emotions and Allow Yourself To Feel
The process of rebuilding your confidence begins with acknowledging your emotions for what they are. It’s really important that you allow yourself to feel each emotion as it comes. That could be grief, frustration, disappointment or sadness. By avoiding acknowledging these emotions you actually delay your healing progress.
A good way to recognise and feel your emotions is to do so by journaling. Writing down your thoughts can often help you to put your feelings into perspective. If journalling is not your thing then you can try talking to a trusted, emotionally balanced friend or a therapist.
Often once we begin to voice these feelings outside of ourselves it becomes easier to process and gain clarity from. This frees up mental space for you to focus on rebuilding your self-esteem.
2. Reframe Negative Thoughts
Let’s be honest, negative thoughts are going to come but it’s about what you do when they come. Someone once told me that the birds can fly over your head but it’s up to you if you let them lay a nest or not.
How long you hold on to and play with negative thoughts will affect how you feel about yourself. What you say about yourself matters. The brain is a very powerful tool and it will believe whatever you tell it. If you keep telling yourself things like “I’m not good enough”, “I’m a failure” or “Maybe I wasn’t deserving of this thing” then your mind will believe you.
Try to change your thought process. Tell yourself good things like “Maybe this wasn’t right for me but this is what I learned”. You need to speak positive affirmations over yourself in order to boost your confidence.
3. Set Small Achievable Goals
Having goals in your life is major. That goes not only for your personal life but also for your career and health too. Goals help you to stay focused and stay on track.
When it comes to your personal life, especially after a breakup it’s best to have small digestible goals that will not seem too overwhelming. Although ultimately you want to achieve major growth goals, you have to go easy on yourself too.
Small goals will allow you to do that, goals that you can easily reach so that you can feel a sense of achievement. Each time you achieve a goal you give yourself a boost in confidence.
When I went through my break up I had small goals like making sure I would get appropriately dressed for the day, making it out to the shops or going to one social event. Although these were very small things they helped me on my journey so much. When you do this you will feel much more in control and empowered to move forward.
4. Surround Yourself With Positive Influences
Having the right people around you is a major hack to your life. If you really want to rebuild your confidence then it’s imperative that you have the right kind of people around you.
Take the time to look at the kind of people that you have in your social circle. Are they uplifting or do they contribute to your self-doubt? At this point, you only need supportive positive influences around you who will gently encourage you to do better for yourself.
You have to be prepared to cut off people who do not contribute to your personal growth and celebrate your achievements with you.
5. Take Care of Your Physical Health
Have you ever heard the phrase healthy body, healthy mind? Well, it’s very true. There is a strong connection between physical health and confidence.
When you look after your body you will begin to feel better mentally and emotionally. This is something that I embraced after my breakup and it worked wonders for me. My confidence began to grow in how I looked visually and my mind didn’t feel as congested as before.
Exercise, eating good food and having sufficient sleep will all have a direct impact on how you feel about yourself. Doing this doesn’t mean that you have to hit the gym 7 days a week it just means begin to incorporate a level of exercise in your life. That could be starting with a daily walk or having a fitness routine at home.
For me personally, I had a personal trainer come to my home twice a week to help me work out. For me, it had to be at home because I wasn’t in a space where I wanted other people to see me. It was a personal journey so I chose to do it at home in private. Building a routine that prioritises self-care can help to rebuild your confidence from the inside out.
6. Celebrate Your Progress
Celebrating what you have already achieved is so good for you. It doesn’t matter how small that win is, it’s still a win. It’s a very powerful way to rebuild your confidence.
Yes, you will still have a way to go but that’s not what you need to focus on. Your focus should be on how far you’ve come.
Keep track of your achievements and remind yourself of your progress. Writing down your achievements might help you. You can then reflect on these achievements at the end of the week and celebrate them with friends. Celebrating them will reinforce your growth and build confidence.
7. Embrace New Challenges
Taking on and overcoming new challenges that take you out of your comfort zone is really helpful.
Recognising that you can push the boundaries of what you think you are capable of achieving is a huge confidence boost for your self-esteem.
Be sure not to shy away from new challenges. Embrace them and push the boundaries. A new challenge can be anything. It can be a new hobby, pursuing a passion project, like I did with Fafa By Dela or learning a new skill. Anything that will bring you happiness and help you rediscover your capabilities is helpful.
8. Be Patient With Yourself
Rebuilding confidence takes time, and it’s important to be patient with yourself during the process. You may experience setbacks or moments of doubt, but that doesn’t mean you’re not progressing.
Understand that confidence is built over time through consistent effort. Celebrate the small victories, and don’t be too hard on yourself when things don’t go as planned. With patience and persistence, you’ll slowly but surely rebuild your confidence.
Final Thoughts on Rebuilding Your Confidence
Rebuilding your confidence after a major life change is a journey that requires time, self-compassion, and intentional effort. By understanding your emotions, setting achievable goals, surrounding yourself with positive influences, and embracing new challenges, you can start to regain your sense of self and rebuild your confidence.
Remember, confidence isn’t something you either have or don’t have—it’s a skill you can cultivate with practice and persistence.
Related Posts:
10 Signs you’re finally healing after a breakup
How to rediscover yourself after a breakup
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