Thinking of getting back out there and into the dating game after a divorce? Well, first of all, congratulations on meeting a wonderful milestone. Divorce is not a joke, and it can take a huge toll on you.
If you have managed to come out the other end and are now in a place where you feel like you can begin to move forward with another person, that is truly amazing. But how do you know if you are truly ready to start dating after divorce?
Let’s take a look at a few things that will shed some light on that for you. No pressure, no judgment, just some helpful advice.
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11 Things To Help You Know If You Are Ready To Date Again After Divorce
1. You No Longer Compare Everyone To Your Ex
It’s easy to fall into the trap where you compare everyone that you come across to your ex. You may not even do it out loud, but in the back of your mind, you compare.
That can come across in different ways, “my ex would never do that” or “my ex was great at…”. These things, whether spoken outwardly or not, is a telltale sign if you are really ready to open your heart up to another person again or not.
You should be able to see a new person without seeing your ex too.
2. You’re Not Dating To Fill A Gap In Your Life
Putting yourself out there to date does not equate to you distracting yourself from loneliness, boredom, or to be a distraction from the pain of a divorce.
If you are using dating as a way to teach your ex a lesson or to feel validated in some way, then you are not ready to date. The focus is not on finding love with another person but simply showing others that you can still go out there. It’s always best to date for connection, not the validation of others.
3. You’ve Done The Internal Work
Before you can bring another person into your life, you need to make sure that you have made peace with and unpacked the emotional baggage of your divorce. You need to ensure that you have processed what happened in the relationship, how it affected you, and most importantly, what you learned along the way.
Do you know what you are looking for from a partner this time around? Are you ready to make your expectations clear to another person? If you can be honest with yourself about the answer to this, then you will know if you are truly ready or not.
4. Being Single Doesn’t Scare You
You shouldn’t be in the dating game just so that you are not alone. You have to be happy and single before you can be happy in a relationship with another person. Your feelings of happiness should not be reliant on another person. You should be happy within yourself first.
Spending a Saturday night at home watching Netflix or reading a book should not cause feelings of loneliness. You should be able to be content in that space. When you are comfortable being alone, there is less chance of you choosing the wrong person for you.
5. It’s A New Start
If you are still harboring feelings of anger, resentment or bitterness from your divorce, then the chances are that you won’t be able to see things clearly in this new relationship. The problems that you had in your marriage will carry through into your dating life or new relationship. It’s important that you are able to make a fresh start for yourself so you can give dating a fair go.
6. Dating Genuinely Makes You Feel Excited
Even if you have never been through a divorce before, dating can still feel overwhelming and like jumping into the deep end. If, after all those feelings of nervousness, dating still gives you a level of excitedness, then that is a great sign. It means that you are ready to move on and find your someone special.
If, on the other hand, the idea of going out on dates makes you feel anxious and filled with dread, then perhaps you are not quite ready yet, and that is okay. Give it some time.
7. There’s No Great Rush
Yes, you are open to dating, but you are not in a rush to make sure that you can be in a relationship as quickly as possible. You understand that there is a process that needs to take place, and you are okay with that. You realise that you have learned a few things from your past relationships, and this time, you want to make sure that you get it right.
If getting it right takes precedence over simply being in a relationship, then the chances are that you are ready to get back out there and begin dating again in a healthy way.
8. Your Mind Is Fixed Right
You have to be in the right headspace. If you are willing to accept that dating can be fun and that there will be strange things/ people that you will come across, but none of that puts you off and you are willing to laugh about it, then that’s a very healthy sign.
Getting upset because your dates are not going as expected means there are some unresolved issues floating around.
9. Being Vulnerable Is Not An Issue
Dating after divorce means that you are willing to open up parts of your life that make you vulnerable and share it with another person.
There will be some level of pain in vulnerability, but if you can understand that, it will also create a bond between you and your potential new partner. That is a positive thing.
10. It’s Not About Replacing
No one can replace your ex, and the truth is that no one should. That person is your ex for a very good reason.
If you want to really find a new love then you need to be willing to explore new things and new people and not just look for a replacment figure.
11. You Feel Good About You
Confidence is key in everything that you do, but when it comes to being who you are and loving yourself, you need to have confidence in that.
You need to love yourself nd know your worth before you can expect another person to do the same for you.
Final Thoughts On How To Know If You Are Ready To Date Again
Dating after divorce is a big step, but it doesn’t have to be overwhelming. Take your time, trust your instincts, and remember, there’s no “right” way to do this. Whether you’re ready to dive in or just dipping a toe in the dating pool, the most important thing is that you’re doing it on your own terms.
If you realise you’re not quite ready along the way. That’s okay too. There’s no rush. Love has a funny way of showing up when you least expect it. Trust me, I know!
Take a deep breath, be kind to yourself, and enjoy the journey. You’ve got this!
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