When a marriage ends, it can be extremely difficult, regardless of whether you were the one who ended it or not. It gives cause for you to pause and wonder about the real meaning of life and how you got to this exact point. If I use myself as an example, I can say that when my marriage ended, life felt in limbo. It was as though I no longer recognised anything anymore. A chapter of my life was coming to an end, and I didn’t know what was supposed to come next.
It’s usually at this point that people will begin to give you all the clichés, such as, you’ll find love again, give it time, etc, etc. While those things are not necessarily bad, they don’t really help with the space that you are currently in. You need time to heal. Trying to just jump back out there and start dating again is unrealistic. You need time to process, regroup and then realign. If you don’t go through the necessary steps, you will be setting yourself up for failure.
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5 Reasons To Heal Before Dating
1. You Need Space To Grieve What Has Been Lost
Grief is not just a term for the loss you feel when a person passes away. Grief can also describe the loss that you feel when you lose a person too, not just through death. When a marriage breaks down, there is a sense of loss that happens.
The life that you once envisioned is no longer going to happen, you now have to reimagine what life is going to look like going forward. You have to rediscover who you are as a single person, and all these things take time.
The grieving period will help you to regain a sense of identity. Sometimes people want us to move on too quickly without going through the necessary steps. If you don’t grieve properly now, you will begin to grieve at a time when you thought you were healed, and it will be inconvenient.
2. Jumping In Too Soon Could Do More Damage Than Good
Ever heard people say to get over one man, you should get under another? Well, that is terrible advice, and I’ll tell you why.
Running into a new relationship can serve as a distraction for a short amount of time, but over time, you will begin to see things fall apart. You haven’t done the inner work that is necessary in order for you to be in a new relationship; therefore, old issues will begin to arise, and you will also see that you probably are not as compatible with this new person as you think.
3. When You Heal, You Rediscover Yourself
Having been in a long-term relationship, it can cause you to lose parts of yourself along the way. When you go through a divorce, you begin to see how much of yourself you have actually lost. During this period of healing, it’s a great time to rediscover who you are and the things you used to like, as well as some of the things that you like now. The rediscovery phase can actually be quite fun if you treat it in the right way. You will begin to learn lots of new and interesting things about yourself.
4. You Set A New Standard When You Heal
When you heal, you set a new standard for yourself. You are no longer content with settling for what you think you deserve, but you have much higher standards. You expect more from the person that you will date and from yourself too.
You begin to realise that you are a whole person all by yourself and that anyone who is entering your life at this point also needs to be whole in order for your relationship to work.
5. Healing Doesn’t Mean You Are Perfect
Just because you are on a healing journey does not mean that you are fully healed, and it certainly does not mean that you are perfect in any way. It just means that you are aware of your flaws and you are working on them. You don’t have to wait until you feel that you are perfect before you can begin to date.
Final Thoughts On Why You Need To Heal Before You Date
If you are divorced or going through a divorce, I just want you to know that you don’t have to rush the process of trying to get back out there and start dating again. There is no timeline on healing and how long the process should take. Everyone’s measure is going to be different. Trust that your process is right for you and that you will know when you are ready to go back out there and find love again.
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