5 Things Every Divorced Woman Should Stop Doing

Divorce changes everything, not just your relationship status, but how you see yourself, your future, and even your past.

In the middle of all that change, it’s easy to fall into habits that feel normal at first but slowly keep you stuck at go.

I, of all people, certainly won’t tell you to “get over it” or rush into some shiny new version of life. Healing isn’t about speed; it’s about shedding what no longer serves you so you can breathe easier and become the new version of you.

Here are the five things I’ve seen and lived through that quietly steal joy from divorced women. Not because you’re doing anything wrong, but because you deserve to stop carrying what wasn’t yours to hold on to in the first place.

 

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5 Things Every Divorced Woman Needs To Stop Doing!

 

1. Stop Apologising for Your Divorce

You know the script:

• “I’m sorry, it’s just… complicated.”

• “We tried everything, but…”

• “I didn’t want it to end like this.”

 

We say these things to soften the blow for family, friends, even strangers who ask a lot of questions.

But here’s what happens when you over-explain yourself:

In your subconscious, you will constantly be trying to defend the choices that you made.  You will begin questioning your reasoning, and you will begin to feel less and less confident in your own decision-making skills.

Divorce isn’t a moral failure. It’s a life decision, like leaving a job that drained you or moving out of a house that no longer felt like home. You wouldn’t apologise for those things, so why treat your marriage any differently?  You are the only person who knows why you have a “fresh start”, and really, you owe no one an explanation of that.

The moment you stop treating your divorce like a secret shame is the moment you start reclaiming your story.

 

 

2. Stop Comparing Your Healing to Someone Else’s

Social media is a minefield after divorce.

You see the woman who “glowed up” with a new partner six months later, the one who seems “so strong” and never cries.  Some may say that I would fit into that category, but the truth is I don’t.  My journey was very rough, and a lot of the time, I had no idea what I was doing.

I was very fortunate to find my partner, but we never started out as romantic interests; we started as friends.  The relationship took me by surprise just as much as it did everyone else.

You never know when your time will come, but you definitely should not be comparing yourself to anyone else.

 

But here’s the part that no one talks about:

• The woman who moved on fast might just be terrified of being alone and is in the wrong relationship.

• The “strong” one might still cry in the shower.

• The person sharing amazing stories on Instagram is just showing the highlights, not the full story.

 

Healing isn’t a race. Some days, your win might just be getting out of bed. Other days, it’s laughing so hard you forget to feel sad for a moment.

There’s no timeline for grief, and there’s no prize for “recovering” first.

 

 

 

 

3. Stop Letting Guilt Drive Your Parenting

Divorced mums carry guilt like an extra weight. There really is no need for anyone to emotionally punish us because we do it fine all on our own.

• “Did I ruin my kids’ lives?”

• “Should I have stayed for them?”

• “Am I doing enough?”

 

You begin to overcompensate, saying yes when you want to say no, buying things to ease the guilt, bending over backwards to make everything “perfect.”  

I know, I’ve been there.  Sometimes I still have to catch myself in that realm.

But here’s the truth: Kids don’t need a perfect mom. 

When you parent from guilt instead of love, you teach them that self-sacrifice is the only way to show care. But what if they learned something better? What if they saw you choosing joy, setting boundaries, and taking up space in your own life?

That’s the kind of positive lesson that lasts.

 

4. Stop Keeping Score With Your Ex

It’s so tempting…oh so tempting:

• Tracking who “won” the divorce (the house, the friends, the narrative).

• Replaying old arguments in your head, drafting comebacks you’ll never say.

• Waiting for karma to hit them so you can finally feel at peace.

But here’s the thing: Resentment is like a debt you keep paying long after it’s due. The more mental energy you spend on them, the less you have for yourself.

Some days, you’ll still feel angry. That’s normal. But you don’t have to feed that anger. Imagine what you could do with all that energy if you stopped letting them live rent-free in your head.

 

5. Stop Treating Yourself Like An Afterthought

After divorce, it’s easy to define yourself by what you lost, a partner, shared dreams, life goals, etc, instead of who you are.

You pour into your kids, your job, your friends, and even strangers who need help.

But when do you get poured into? When do you put yourself at the front of the line?

You’re not just someone’s ex. You’re not just a mom. You’re YOU! A woman with her own dreams, quirks, and needs. And that woman deserves care, too.

 

Start with small things:

• Say no to something that drains you.

• Say yes to something that lights you up.

• Let yourself take up space in your own life.

 

Final Thoughts On 5 Things Divorced Women Should Stop Doing

This isn’t about being “over it.” Some days will still hurt, and some days triggers will catch you off guard. But the more you let go of these five habits, the lighter you’ll feel, not because the past disappears, but because you stop letting it dictate your present.

So tell me, which one of these resonates most with you right now? Sometimes, just naming it is the first step toward letting it go.

 

Related posts:

Why personal growth is the best revenge after a breakup

How you can easily rebuild your confidence