How To Avoid Rebound Relationships After A Breakup
Have you heard the term, in order to get over one man, you should get under another? Well if I ever heard bad advice it’s that.
Heading into a rebound relationship might feel like the easier thing to do as it serves as a distraction from the pain of a breakup, but in reality, all it does is delay your healing process. When you have just been through a breakup, there are certain steps towards healing that have to take place in order for you to be able to truly move on.
Going through this process will help you to heal and be able to enjoy genuine happiness. Breaking the cycle of jumping from one relationship to another is key to rediscovering yourself and allowing you to be open to a real and genuine relationship in the future.
Today, we are looking at what exactly is a rebound relationship, how it hinders healing and what steps you can take to truly heal after a breakup.
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What Is A Rebound Relationship?
A rebound relationship is one where after a breakup you jump into another relationship shortly afterwards.
While these rebound relationships can offer a certain level of comfort, they usually don’t give you the space that you need to heal and often serve as a plaster over real issues.
They are a great distraction as they serve to distract you from pain, and loneliness and provide you with a sense of self-worth to make you feel needed.
How And Why Do Rebound Relationships Delay Healing?
1. Avoids Self-Reflection
When you go through a breakup you need to have time to process the feelings of loss. There is a grieving phase that needs to take place, which isn’t necessarily pleasant but it is necessary.
It’s a time when you reflect on what happened in the relationship and it requires a time of self-reflection.
Rebound relationships stop you from doing this and only distract you outwardly. You may find that even when you are in your rebound relationship, the reality of loss will hit you when you are alone. That is because you haven’t given yourself the time to process properly.
2. Sets Unrealistic Expectations
It’s very likely that when you are in this rebound relationship, you will be expecting it to meet the same level of need as your previous one. The reality is that it won’t do that.
You will have unknowingly set the relationship with very high expectations that will be difficult to meet. When this doesn’t happen it will lead to lots of pressure and disappointment and ultimately heartbreak.
3. Lack of Authentic Connection
You must remember that when you have just come out of a relationship, you are emotionally vulnerable. There will be lots of things that you will miss or overlook in this new rebound relationship that you may not ordinarily have done.
Relationships that are formed during a period of vulnerability often lack the foundation of trust, understanding and compatibility. This can lead to superficial connections that fail to provide long-term fulfilment.
4 Signs You’re in A Rebound Relationship
1. Quick Timing
A very notable way to tell if you’re in a rebound relationship is if your new relationship began days or weeks after your breakup. You may try to convince yourself that this is not the case, but the truth is that if your relationship started shortly after a breakup, then this new relationship is a rebound relationship.
2. Comparing To Your Ex
If you find that you are constantly comparing your new partner to your ex, that is a problem. By making comparisons like this shows that there are some unresolved issues happening. You should not feel the need to prove that you have moved on in any way, to anyone.
3. Emotional Instability
Our feelings never lie to us. As much as we may try to bury them or ignore them, our feelings are always present, waiting for us to acknowledge them.
If you feel like you are on an emotional rollercoaster where one moment you feel ok and then the next you do not, then it’s likely that you haven’t dealt with the issues that need to be dealt with and, therefore, you are in a rebound relationship.
4. Lack of Genuine Connection
You have to be honest with yourself. Is this new relationship serving as a convenient distraction and giving you temporary happiness or are you genuinely happy in it?
If it’s just a distraction then there likely isn’t really a real meaningful bond there in this new relationship.
How To Break The Cycle of Rebound Relationships
1. Acknowledge Your Emotions
Acknowledging your emotions is hugely important. I always tell people to allow themselves to feel the emotions as they happen where possible.
When you suppress your feelings, they don’t go away they will just pop up at a time when you least expect it. By allowing yourself to feel the emotions and deal with them, you give yourself the chance to process them properly.
You can do this by journalling, meditating or talking to someone that you trust and is able to maturely give feedback to you.
Instead of trying to hide your true feelings with a new relationship, allow yourself the beauty of the process so that you can truly heal.
2. Embrace Solitude
One of the things I did during my early healing journey was to have alone time. I didn’t use this time to completely sit in sadness, instead, I used the alone time to process.
I took the timeout to think about how I wanted to move forward and think about the things that were important to me.
By allowing yourself space to process and work through your thoughts, you will begin to rediscover who you are and reconnect with yourself. Use the time to rediscover the things that you enjoy doing and maybe some new things that you would like to try.
You can also use this time to think through what you want from a new relationship.
Being alone doesn’t mean that you have to do it in a dark room. You can do it through solo travel experiences, taking up hobbies or joining classes that you’ve always wanted to do.
3. Set Clear Intentions
This might be an unpopular opinion but, I am of the mind that if jumping into a new “relationship” will help you for a time, then there isn’t necessarily anything wrong with that as long as you recognise it for what it is.
Being honest with yourself is only going to help you.
Are you looking for real love, or is it just to serve as a distraction? If it is just simply a distraction, then make sure that you don’t put your everything into it and keep your heart guarded.
It would also be wise to still take time out for yourself to process the emotions that you are having. You might not be ready for a physical connection, but there is nothing wrong with spending time with a person who helps to distract you and makes you feel special at the same time.
If you are unsure if this is a real relationship or not, then take time out to make a list of the things that you would want from your next partner and see if it aligns with what you are already experiencing with this new person.
4. Focus On Personal Growth
My belief is that experiences are not just experiences, they serve to teach us something.
Each experience in life will teach you something in order for you to be able to grow. Life is all about how much you can grow and develop.
Use this time for personal growth. Identify patterns from your previous relationship that you need to address and work on those things. For example, if communication was an issue for you previously, make sure you take time out to work on this so you don’t make the same mistakes in your next relationship.
5. Ask For Help
There is no shame in recognising that you need further help.
Seeking help from a therapist or a relationship coach can really help you process your emotions and give you insight into building future healthy relationship patterns.
The Benefits of Avoiding Rebound Relationships
- It allows you time for genuine healing.
- Gives you time to rediscover yourself.
- Stronger future relationships because you would have had time to process your feelings and therefore be coming from a place of wholeness.
Final Thoughts on How To Avoid Rebound Relationships
Rebound relationships are a real thing and although they do serve a purpose they also delay the healing process.
After a breakup, it’s important to focus on you, your healing, your personal growth experience, and making space for building better future relationships.
By prioritising your healing first, you’re investing into a future filled with clarity, confidence and self-love.
Related posts:
Why “no contact” is essential after a breakup
How long does it take to get over a breakup?
8 Things to help you get over a breakup
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