6 Toxic Relationship Habits That People Think Are Normal (But Aren’t!)

6 Toxic Relationship Habits That People Mistake for Love (And How to Fix Them)

Relationships are complicated. Let’s be honest, there is no roadmap for the perfect relationship, we are all just trying to figure out what works.

We’ve all been there, thinking certain behaviours in our relationships are just “normal” when, deep down, they leave us feeling drained, insecure, or resentful.

The truth of the matter is that many habits we brush off as “that’s just how relationships are” can actually be toxic. They slowly erode away at our trust and intimacy over time.

Whether you’re healing from a breakup, rediscovering yourself, or trying to build a healthier love story, recognising these toxic patterns early on is the first step to breaking free.

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Here are six toxic habits that often go unnoticed under the radar, and how you can replace them with something healthier.

6 Toxic Habits In Relationships

1. Keeping Score: When Love Becomes A Transaction

Keeping score in relationships is a real thing. We don’t always do it on purpose, but it does happen.

We load the dishwasher for the 3rd time in a row this week, we make a mental note of it, and bring it up in the midst of an argument. We bring it up to win points, not to help resolve the dispute, in fact, it has nothing to do with the very same subject that you are arguing about. Or you refuse to apologise because you remembered that you were the first to apologise the last time, so now it’s their turn.

This scorekeeping mentality turns love into a ledger of debts and payments.

Relationships aren’t meant to be fair, they’re meant to be generous. You’re meant to give to the other person because you want to make their life easier (which is also a 2 way street)

Forget about keeping score. Keeping score only leads to competition between two people who are supposed to be on the same team. Give freely, and when you feel imbalance, communicate your needs without keeping track. You will probably find that the other person was completely oblivious to the situation. Communication is always going to be key here.

2. The Silent Treatment: Love Shouldn’t Come with a Mute Button

We’ve all done it before, ignoring texts, giving one-word answers, or shutting down completely to “teach them a lesson.” It might feel powerful in the moment, but the silent treatment isn’t communication. It’s about trying to gain control. Healthy conflict requires vulnerability, not passive-aggressive withdrawal.

Next time you feel tempted to give your partner the silent treatment, do this instead. Tell them that you need some space to process your feelings and come back when you’ve had time to calm down and think things through properly.

Silence breeds distance, conversation builds connection. You need to have a strong connection if you want this relationship to last.

3. Sacrificing Your Needs To Keep The Peace

I was a victim of this myself for several years, so I know how damaging it can be to you as the individual. There were many times when I just let things go, just so there wouldn’t be an argument.

You stay quiet and grit your teeth while you slowly crumble inside. Many of us mistake self-sacrifice for love, but constantly silencing your needs creates a slow-burning resentment that poisons relationships over time.

The way to overcome this? Let your partner know how you are feeling. True intimacy thrives when both people feel safe to speak and also be heard.

4. Assuming Your Partner Can Read Your Mind

This is another huge one, uncommunicated expectations! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen this be an issue in relationships. Expecting your partner to know what you are thinking without actually telling them. When did this become a thing?

You can’t be mad at someone for not being able to satisfy your needs if you have never told them what you need.

Even soulmates aren’t psychic. Assuming someone “should just know” sets everyone up for frustration. Instead of causing confusion in your relationship, try telling your partner what you need from them instead.

5. Brutal ‘Honesty’ Without Kindness

There’s a big difference between honesty and cruelty. Comments like “I’m just being real!” or “You’re too sensitive!” often disguise hurtful words as virtue. Love shouldn’t leave bruises, even verbal ones. This is nothing but emotional abuse. Having someone laugh at you when they clearly know they are hurting you is emotional abuse, especially if they do it repeatedly. Let’s not play around here. It is what it is.

Real honesty wraps truth in care and in love. If it’s not something you’d say to a close friend, don’t say it to your partner.

6. Romanticising Jealousy As Passion

We love to think that jealousy is a sign of love. That if our partner gets jealous, it’s because they love us, they are trying to protect us.

Wrong!

Jealousy isn’t love, it’s fear in disguise. Checking phones, interrogating friends, and making wild accusations against your partner is not love.

Trust should be the foundation of your relationship, not control. If insecurity pops up, talk it through with your partner and try to get to the bottom of where it is coming from.

Final Thoughts On Toxic Relationship Habits That People Think Are Normal

Toxic habits often disguise themselves as normal because they feel familiar, and they may even feel exciting at the time. How many times were we told that if a boy pushes you in the playground, it’s because he likes you?

Real love isn’t about drama, mind games, or sacrifice. It’s about safety, respect, and mutual growth.

If you see some of these patterns in your relationship, it’s best to address it now before it gets out of control and resentment begins to breed.

Awareness is the first step in tackling these issues. Building relationships is a skill that we have to practice, it does not perfect itself overnight.

Did you see yourself in any of these? Which of these surprised you the most? Let’s talk about it.

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